150 Funny Love Joke for Girlfriend/Boyfriend Humor

Funny Love Joke.

If you love someone you want to see them laugh and make them feel loved. Everyone appreciates a good joke. Jokes are powerful tools to keep love alive, ease tension and make everyone comfortable.

Making funny jokes are great ways of spending special moments whether it’s with your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband –good jokes helps maintain good energy amongst lovers.

In this article, we compiled 150 of the funniest love jokes.

150 Funny Love Joke for Girlfriend/Boyfriend Humor

  1. Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he is a keeper.
  2. What did one boat say to the other boat? Are you interested in a little row-mance?
  3. What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor? Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
  4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive, who? Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.
  5. My name is Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?
  6. I love everyone. Some people I love to be around, while some of them are people who I would rather avoid. And then there are some who I would love to punch in the face.
  7. I love you with all my butt. I would say my heart, but it is just not as big.
  8. You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.
  9. You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
  10. You are like my dentures. I cannot smile without you.
  11. You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
  12. Why do men like to fall in love at first sight? Because doing so saves them a lot of money.
  13. The funniest joke of all time is my love life.
  14. Falling in love is like going deep into a river. It is much easier to get in it than it is to get out of it.
  15. Can I borrow a kiss from you? I promise you that I will give it back.
  16. Never laugh at your significant other’s choices because you happen to be one of them.
  17. I don’t know your name yet, but it must be Wi-Fi because I am feeling such a strong connection here.
  18. There were two antennas who met on a roof and they fell in love and decided to get married. The ceremony was nothing fancy, but you could tell that they had a very strong connection.
  19. Love is getting mad at someone, telling that person to go to hell, and hoping that they get there safely.
  20. Are you familiar with that tingly feeling that you get in your body when you start to develop feelings for someone? That feeling is actually all of your common sense leaving your body.
  21. You can fall from the sky and you can fall from a tree, but the best way for you to fall is to fall in love with me.
  22. We must both be subatomic particles because I feel this strong force between the two of us.
  23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put the letters U and I together.
  24. What happened to the two vampires who went on their first date? It was love at first bite!
  25. Have you ever been fishing before? I only ask because I really think that we should hook up.
  26. You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body. In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
  27. My boyfriend and I met on the internet. My mother asked him what line he used on me and my boyfriend replied, “I just used a modem.”
  28. A couple are on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing. He replies, “I forgot my wallet.”
  29. Why do painters always fall for their models? Because they love them with all of their art.
  30. Let’s commit the perfect crime together. I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
  31. The brain is the most impressive organ in our whole body. From the day you are born, it works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, right up until you fall in love.
  32. Women can fake an orgasm, while men can fake a whole relationship.
  33. Love is a form of amnesia where a girl forgets that there are about 1.2 billion other boys out there in the world.
  34. A T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I love you this much,” as he stretched out his arms. To which the girlfriend replied, “that’s not very much at all!”
  35. “I know you’re busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list?”
  36. “If I had a garden, I’d put your tulips and my tulips together.”
  37. “On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9… and I’m the 1 you need.”
  38. “Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.”
  39. “Do you like sales? Because clothing is 100% off at my place.”
  40. “I’ve had an off week, but seeing you always turns me on.”
  41. “I wish you were my big toe. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.”
  42. “You have something on your butt. It’s my eyes.”
  43. “Do you do carpeting? Because I’m looking for a deep shag.”
  44. “‘You’re beautiful’ has U in it, but ‘quickie’ has U and I together.”
  45. “What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.”
  46. “How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.”
  47. “What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.”
  48. “What do you call an everyday potato? A commentator.”
  49. “What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.”
  50. “What did the atom say after losing an electron? ‘I really gotta keep an ion them.'”
  51. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
  52. “Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.”
  53. “Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.”
  54. “How do astronomers organize a party? They planet.”
  55. I always like to let my wife know who the boss is in this house. And I do that by holding a mirror up to her face.
  56. Do you know what the big difference is between love and marriage? Love is the sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
  57. What is the main difference between love and marriage? Love is blind. Marriage, on the other hand, is the eye opener.
  58. My wife is definitely a sex object in that every time I ask her for sex, she objects.
  59. I have been happily and blissfully married for 5 years…out of a total of 20.
  60. Bigamy is having one wife too many, but monogamy is the same.
  61. I was married by a judge. Little did I know that I should have asked for a jury too.
  62. Marriage comes with no guarantees, so if that is what you are looking for, then you are better off buying a car battery.
  63. You cannot buy love, but you can still pay heavily for it.
  64. I have not spoken to my wife in quite a few years. I just did not want to interrupt her.
  65. Before you decide to make the commitment to marry a person, you should have them use a computer with a very slow internet connection so they can show you who they truly are.
  66. Love is a condition of temporary insanity. And the only available cure for this sickness is marriage.
  67. Marriage is an incredible invention, but then again so is the toaster.
  68. When a man marries a woman, it is the highest compliment that he can pay her, and it is usually the last.
  69. An archaeologist is definitely the best husband a woman could ever have. The reason for this is because the older she gets, the more he will be interested in her.
  70. When a man goes and steals your wife, the best revenge that you can have is to let him keep her.
  71. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal, who? Cereal blessing to be married to you.
  72. Do you want to know why my husband and I will never ever need a marriage counselor? He majored in communications in college and I majored in theater. So he communicates with me a lot and I always make the effort to pretend to listen.
  73. One day, a husband told his wife that her rear end was getting so big that it was as big as their grill. Later that night, he tried to get intimate with her in bed only for the wife to reply, “do you really think that I am going to fire up this grill for just one little weenie?”
  74. What did the astronaut’s fiancé say when he proposed to her in open outer space? She said, “I can’t breathe!”
  75. Do you want to know why I plan on no longer using Google anymore? Because after all this time that I have spent searching, I have found the love of my life and it is you.
  76. A girl asked her boyfriend if he would still love her after marriage. He replied, “that depends on what your husband will think.”
  77. How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
  78. A husband and wife are drinking wine at home. The wife says, “I love you.” The husband asks if that is her or the wine talking. She replies, “It’s me talking to the wine.”
  79. A husband was looking at himself in the mirror and asked his wife, “will you still love me when I am old, fat, and bald?” She replied, “I do.”
  80. You should never be in a big rush to end your marriage with your spouse. You never know if you might need them to finish a sentence.
  81. A man and women were getting married in a courthouse. As they were leaving the courtroom, the bride said to the groom, “Isn’t it nice to be here when we’re not being convicted of something?”
  82. My husband is of the opinion that I am absolutely crazy. But if he is the one who decided to get married to me, then that makes him even crazier than I am.
  83. Do you know about the concept of Newton’s law? It states that for every idiot, there is an equal and opposite idiot. They are called husband and wife.
  84. It is said that in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the wife listens. During the second year of the marriage, the wife speaks and the husband listens. And on the third year of marriage, both the husband and wife speak and the neighbors listen.
  85. Why are men with pierced ears much better candidates for getting married? Because they have bought jewelry and have suffered greatly.
  86. What are the three big rings of life? They are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
  87. It is very important to have a woman who can cook, clean, and take care of the kids. And it is just as important to have a woman who can keep you happy in bed. And most of all, it is important that these two women never meet.
  88. An older husband and wife were sitting together at home when a fairy appeared before them and offered to grant each of them a wish. The wife, who had always wanted to visit Paris, wished for tickets to Paris and the fairy granted the wish with a wave of her wand. A pair of plane ticket to Paris magically appeared in the wife’s hand. Then it was the husband’s turn to make a wish.
  89. The husband said that he was always jealous of the older men with much younger and prettier wives and he wished for a wife who was 20 years younger than him. So the fairy waved her wand and granted his wish. But imagine the man’s shock when he opened his eyes to find that he was 20 years older!
  90. A woman made the decision to break off her recent engagement and her friend said, “what happened? I thought it was love at first sight!” To which the woman replied, “but the second and third ones changed my mind.”
  91. Love thy neighbor, but make sure that her husband is away first!
  92. Love is a very complex matter of chemistry. And that is why my wife treats me like toxic waste!
  93. “The doctor took an x-ray of my heart and almost fainted. He asked me what happened with a scared look on his face. I told him don’t worry, I gave my heart to you. That’s why it’s missing.”
  94. “If life had a pause button, I would be stuck in time with you replaying and pausing every perfect moment we spend together.”
  95. “Hamsters run in wheels all day, and I run after you.”
  96. “Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life? I already gave my heart to you.”
  97. “I think I am going to need knee surgery. Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.”
  98. “Your parents must think I am a drunk, but the truth is that I am just intoxicated by you.”
  99. “I tried rearranging the alphabet, but for some reason, U and I would never separate.”
  100. “Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.” – Tommy Cooper
  101. “Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.” Tommy Cooper
  102. “I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered ‘French Toast during the Renaissance.” Peter Kay
  103. “Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day.” John Bishop
  104. “We are in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun.” Rowan Atkinson
  105. “I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper’s jammin’ again.” Unknown Origin
  106. “I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.” Steve Martin
  107. “I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.” Rowan Atkinson
  108. “You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.” Tim Vine
  109. “20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die!” Bill Murray
  110. “Why do men get married? So they don’t have to hold-in their stomachs any more.” – Unknown Origin
  111. “Where there’s a will – there’s a relative!” Ricky Gervais
  112. “Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.” Benny Hill
  113. “Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.” Tommy Cooper
  114. “I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day. He wasn’t very happy.” Tommy Cooper
  115. “To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet … you can hide but you can’t run.” Milton Jones
  116. “I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.” Will Ferrell
  117. “Money doesn’t buy happiness? Well it does buy a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? Yea, I thought so…” Unknown Origin
  118. “I’ve lived in Manchester since my 20′s and I’ve only been in three fights -not a bad average.” John Bishop
  119. “I found a Justin Bieber concert ticket nailed to a tree, so I took it! You never know when you might need a nail.” Unknown Origin
  120. “My friend keeps telling me I’m in the closet.. I just say it’s Narnia business!” Will Ferrell
  121. “I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine” Bill Bailey
  122. “Bob Geldof…no wonder he’s such an expert on famine, he has been dining out on I Don’t Like Mondays for thirty years.” Russell Brand
  123. “What’s black and white, black and white, black and white?-A penguin rolling down a hill!” Unknown Origin
  124. “Are there any medium rappers? They’re always big or lil”. Unknown Origin
  125. “I like to play chess with bald men in the park, although it’s hard to find 32 of them.” Emo Phillips
  126. “I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said ‘Thyroid problem?” Peter Kay
  127. “I’m a post-modern vegetarian, I eat meat – ironically” Bill Bailey
  128. “So I said to a Scotsman ‘did you have terrible spots as a kid?’ He said ‘ac ne'” Unknown Origin
  129. “I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.” Tommy Cooper
  130. “Last night, me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the telly.” Tim Vine
  131. “My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards” Sarah Millican
  132. “I picked up a hitchhiker. You gotta when you hit them.” Emo Phillips
  133. “I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.” Unknown Origin
  134. “I went into a French restaurant and asked the waiter, ‘Have you got frog’s legs?’ He said, ‘Yes,’ so I said, ‘Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.” Tommy Cooper
  135. “What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic!” Unknown Origin
  136. “I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say ‘bought’ – I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.” Jack Whitehall
  137. “Vegetarians, if you love animals so much then why do you keep eating all their food?” Unknown Origin
  138. “How do you know when you’re too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air freshener.” Kevin Hart
  139. “If your body is 90% water why have you got to drink water all the time? Why can’t you just have some crisps?” Russell Brand
  140. “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.” Stewart Francis
  141. “A market researcher said ‘can I ask you 10 questions’, I said ‘go on’, she said ‘question number 1, have you ever had a blackout?’ I said ‘no’, she went…and finally, question number 10.” Lee Mack
  142. “You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts… Man, and do you have life? OMG, No! Could you send me a link?” Unknown Origin
  143. “Last week my mother-in-law fell into a wishing well, can’t believe it actually worked.” Unknown Origin
  144. “Dyslexic man walks into a bra.” Author unknown.
  145. “The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job. Especially if you’ve got hay fever.” Milton Jones
  146. “I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.” Will Marsh
  147. Time fries when I’m with you.
  148. You’re like coffee: hot and I want you every day.
  149. You must be peanut butter because you make my heart jelly.
  150. Everything I brew, I brew for you.

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