Sex Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend.
You know getting her to come over, take a decent drink, have a nice conversation doesn’t mean you going to get to third base. Ladies needs more appeal to make them consider having sex with you.
Dirty jokes are amazing in getting to consider giving you a try. Dirty jokes work because they get to make her laugh and put the thoughts of getting physical in her head.
Like telling a regular joke, you need to finesse the sex jokes nicely and get her mind to all the sexy things possible. Don’t overact the jokes, take it slowly and watch her unveil the bad girl within.
100 Sex Jokes to tell Your Girlfriend on Bed
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold onto your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
- Nice package.
Let me unwrap that for you.
- Brrr! My hands are cold.
Can I stick them down your pants to warm them up?
- I was feeling a little off today, but you definitely turned me on.
- What kind of Uber are you – long or short rides?
- Now I know why they call it a beaver because I’m dying for your wood.
- I hear you’ve been a bad boy.
Now go to MY room!
- If I told you I work for UPS, would you let me handle your package?
- My bed’s broken, can I sleep in yours?
- Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
- There are no seats, can I sit on your face?
- If you’re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.
- How do you like your sausage in the morning?
Scrambled or blown?
- I lost my virginity.
Can I have yours?
- My body’s got 206 bones.
Want to give me another one?
- Tell me your name so I know what to scream tonight.
- Don’t let this go to your head, but do you want some?
- Have you got a napkin?
You’re making me wet.
- Have you got any room for an extra tongue in your mouth?
- You look like a hard worker.
I have an opening you can fill.
- I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.
- Are those Guess jeans?
‘Cause guess who wants to get into ’em.
- Do you do carpeting?
Because I’m looking for a deep shag.
- Let’s do breakfast tomorrow.
Should I call you or nudge you?
- Did you just ring my doorbell?
Well, you can come inside if you want to.
- Do you wanna go halfsies on a baby?
- Do you like to eat Mexican?
Because you’re heating up my taco.
- That shirt is very becoming on you.
Then again, I would be too!
- Your dress looks extremely tight.
Let me take it off for you.
- In my mind, we’re going to have sex anyway, so you might as well be in the room.
- Could you help me stick something down my throat so I can test my gag reflex?
- Do you want to pretend my legs are made of butter and spread them?
- Are you a light switch?
‘Cause I want to turn you on!
- Do you want to give me an Australian kiss?
It’s like French kissing but you’re going down under.
- How do you like your eggs?
I prefer mine fertilized.
- Do these look real?
- I may not be Wilma Flintstone, but I can sure as hell make your bedrock.
- Sex is a killer.
Do you wanna die happy?
- Are you a rainstorm?
Because you’re making me dripping wet.
- Let’s play hockey.
I’ll be the net, and you can score.
- I don’t need a spoonful of sugar to swallow you.
- I suffer from amnesia. Have we had sex before?
Well, why don’t we?
- Do you know how to use a whip?
- Do you want to go to In-and-Out for burgers or just in-and-out of me?
- Are you a candle?
Because I want to blow you.
- Are you going to sleep with me or do I have to lie to my diary?
- If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
- You bring a whole new meaning to the word, “edible.”
- I’ll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
- If you were in bed with me, I wouldn’t need the cover to keep warm.
- Hey Baby, you want to come to my house and work on your math skills?
We can add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply!
- I’m not a horse, but you can ride me like one if you like.
- I’ve got the buns.
Have you got a hot dog?
- Smile if you want to sleep with me.
- Shall we let only latex stand between our love?
- I can take my pants off in two seconds.
Let’s see how long it takes you.
- I’ve been a bad girl, so spank me!
- Your body is a wonderland and I want to be Alice.
- How many women can you handle?
- Do you know what’d look good on you?
- Are you the delivery man?
Because I believe you have a package for me.
- Have you ever seen a girl swallow an entire banana? [wink, wink]
- You look cold.
Do you want to use me as a blanket?
- Don’t stick out your tongue unless you intend to use it.
- Hey baby, want to play fireman?
We can stop, drop, and roll.
- I lost my teddy bear.
Can I sleep with you tonight?
- My bed is broken, can I sleep in yours?
- Pick a number between 1 and 10.
You lose, now take off your clothes.
- You know what they say about men with big feet.
- I’m a spy on a secret mission.
Come in me, if you want to live.
- Wanna play Army?
You be the enemy and I’ll blow you away.
- Excuse me, would you be a gentleman and push in my stool?
- I’m wearing Revlon Colorstay Lipstick, want to help me test the claim that it won’t kiss off?
- I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.
- Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so stick it in.
- Have sex with me and I promise never to talk to you again!
- Is your dad the muffin man?
Because you sure do give me a banana cream filling.
- I love every bone in my body…
- Are you into one-night stands?
Then why don’t you lie down?
- Are you into one-night stands?
Then it’s a good thing it’s daytime.
- “You’re beautiful” has U in it, but “quickie” has U and I together.
- Is that a banana in your pants cause I’ll ‘ape you
- Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.
- I’m no horse, but I wouldn’t mind if you rode me.
- My body has 206 bones. Want to give me another one?
- Do these feel real to you?
- How is virginity like a soap bubble?
One prick and it is gone.
- How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.
- I asked my ex why she never blinked during foreplay.
She said she didn’t have time.
- After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?
- I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs.
- What kind of bees produce milk?
- What’s strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
- Ever had sex while camping?
It’s fucking intents.
- What’s the best thing about dating homeless chicks?
You can drop them off anywhere.
- What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your hole weak.
- How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck?
When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them
- What’s the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
- What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!
- What is Moby Dick’s dad’s name?